September 1, 2010

On dorks, dweebs, and dufii.

Filed under: Imbeciles and Kooks — Adam @ 7:39 pm

The wife and I were having a conversation about a particularly annoying student she has. She referred to him as a dork because of his nerd-like leanings. Which then led me into explaining my view of the situation, as a computer geek. There are four terms, and imagine a table like so:

Cool Uncool (also “dweeby”)
Smart: Geek Nerd
Dumb (also “dufus-y”): Dork Poindexter

Note that in this case, “cool” is relative.

Thus, her unsmart, uncool student is a poindexter. The term dweeb or dufus also applies. It’s also like a hierarchy; dorks usually have disdain for both nerds and poindexters (okay pretty much everyone hates poindexters. Imagine a dweeby know-it-all that actually knows nothing and is convinced of his superiority.). Geeks and nerds get on well enough, but geeks and dorks can as well if the dork can surpress his or her inner dufus in public.

This is almost as important a distinction as hacker vs cracker vs script kiddie.

It’s not that I’m being mean to nerds or dorks, or trying to put people into a little box. It’s just that they all fall into a little box at some point, and it’s important to know how to describe someone to help others avoid them if needed. Especially if they’re like the student in question, who was convinced of his greatness so much that he could not believe a female English teacher knew what teh Lunix was. Idiot.

There are other hierarchies as well. You generally don’t want to be stuck with a douchebag, for example, but you really don’t want to be stuck with a fuckwad or a dickweed. The above table could be further expanded with more rows and columns, or possibly a third axis. But that’s for another study in archetypes (as is “bitch vs ho”).

Another hierarchy is the hierarchy of crazy:

There’s batty (Barbara Boxer), there’s looney (Ann Coulter), there’s even downright crazy (most Huffington Post writers). But then when you graduate from crazy you become batshit crazy (Tom Cruise). Your PhD in being nuts makes you crazier than a shithouse rat (Louis Farrakhan). After that the mother ship will literally beam you the fuck up (9-11 Truthers).

See, labels aren’t bad. In fact, they’re pretty awesome, because now we can put every peg in the right hole and write people off without considering their merits, and only listen to people that pegs just like us. Forget about all those ignorant, racist, typical white people in the Tea Party, for example. They’re voting against their own interests, right?

On a more serious note, defining people is awesome. I should have been a sociologist.

August 20, 2010

The funniest cop ever.

Filed under: Imbeciles and Kooks — Adam @ 7:24 pm

So there was a wreck on I-110 today, heading northbound. The wife and I were coming back from getting the food, and we were stuck, like everyone else. A few people decided they were too important to wait. Including this guy:


(click to embiggen)

He went about a half mile down the side of the interstate before coming into contact with the best cop ever. The cop stopped, got on to him, and parked in front of him. Then later, just before I took this picture (we were going 0mph as evidenced by my speedometer), the guy tried to get around the cop.

The cop got out of his car and pointed for the guy to stay where he was, making him wait.

Bendy and I both about died. It still makes me smile.

You’re not too important to wait, Mister Big Gold Chevy Silverado from Texas. If we all can do it, you can do it, too. It’s not a big deal; unless you have a legitimate emergency you should wait like the rest of us so that emergency vehicles can use the shoulder.

The worst part, though? The guy clearly had to see that cops were stopping people doing that, both at that end and way back where the guy started. Imbecile.

July 19, 2010

Prejudice all around.

Filed under: Imbeciles and Kooks — Adam @ 7:15 pm

So I was reading this story (at various other news outlets as well) about the racist, prejudiced bitch that was the director of USDA Rural Development in Georgia. I read some of it, including her title and quote, to the Bendy.

“Oh, those same people who discriminated against me?”

My reaction was, wait what?

Yep: A Girl and Her House — the dumb asshole in Jackson was the director of the USDA Rural Development in Mississippi. (I can’t find the post now, but it was bad enough that the guy for the bank thought these guys were idiots. They were tripping over themselves to give her a loan — she just didn’t have the cash on hand for the down payment.)

Perhaps the MS USDA guy and the GA MSDA woman are friends.

They’re definitely both kindred assholes.

July 9, 2010

On Guns Followup: A Good Fisking

Filed under: Imbeciles and Kooks — Adam @ 11:31 am

Via the always on top of it Say Uncle comes this childish baboon:

“Oh, the supremely activist court went with the obvious constitutional answer. But I don’t care. In fact, I care so little I’m writing this long-winded, mean-spirited article about it.” he says.

One might have thought following clear demonstrations of why a society awash in cheap, easily purchased handguns is a pretty f***ing stupid idea. Columbine, Virginia Tech, the South Side of Chicago–meh, who cares? Think about how many guys’ penises feel bigger because they’ve fired a gun.

Stupid stereotype mentions: 1.

As to all of the presented massacres? All could have been ended quickly had someone with a cheap, easily available handgun been there.

The National Rifle Association and gun advocate groups have done a number on our collective thought process, and now not even Democrats can get elected without bowing to the alter of fear-mongering that says a minority will break into your house and rape your family unless the right to own an instrument that serves no other purpose but to end human life is guaranteed to every citizen.

Racism: Stupid stereotype mention #2!

And they also work for the fun factor of target shooting and making guys like this come out of the woodwork to ramble aimlessly about how gun owners are evil, paranoid racists with small dicks.

Frankly, I don’t even know why I’m writing about it. Even perfectly sane, rational friends of mine are in love with the idea of gun ownership for all (small penises likely being a key ingredient).

SSM #3, second small penis mention. Second claim he doesn’t care. Methinks perhaps his constant small-penis attack is an attempt to get gun owners to take photographic evidence of the fallacy so he can see some man meat. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but there are easier ways to see weener. (Unfortunately, Mr. Stephen Markley can’t view his own without an electron microscope.)

The Second Amendment was written when the most lethal handheld weapon available was a single shot musket that took about ten minutes to reload.

Ten minutes? Okay, he’s officially too stupid to argue with. But: Yeah, and there was no internet or television in the days of the first amendment, so they’re not protected either. You can go to jail for your blog Mr. Markley!

Oh, and have your obviously insufficient penises.

Fourth stupid stereotype mention, third that is a reference to penis size.

Seriously dude.

On Guns

Filed under: Imbeciles and Kooks, Personal, Self Defense — Adam @ 11:20 am

Since McDonald (well and before it) people have been claiming that people wanting to own guns for self-defense are racist, paranoid, et cetera. They claim you don’t need a gun for self defense. They claim you don’t need a gun. They claim that guns cause more accidents than crimes they prevent. I want to debunk this.

First, I will start with the easy one: You don’t need to own a gun, because they are dangerous.

The latter is true. Guns can kill people. Everyone knows this — no one will argue that point. Guns are designed to efficiently kill.

However, by that logic — unless you live somewhere with poor public transport or where things are not in walking distance, you do not need to own a car. There is no constitutionally guaranteed right to own a car, either. You also don’t need to own a pool — children could drown in it! And again, no guarantee. There are many dangerous, unnecessary things in this world. Either you are against all of them or you are inconsistent. If the former, well, then, I can be of no help for you and you should perhaps seek help for your constant fear of harm.

If the latter, then your inconsistency probably is born of ignorance or hatred, both of which can be cured.

We don’t restrict people to owning things based on need. The first amendment existed before hardcore videographic pornography. Nobody needs that. Yet we allow it — and it can destroy lives and marriages if someone becomes addicted to it.

Now for the uses of guns:

Sport: Target shooting. Perfectly legal, legitimate use. Causes no harm, and is an Olympic sport. Guns can be used for fun — they may have a lethal origin and design, but that is not their sole use. While there is no constitutional guarantee to sport shooting, there is also no constitutional guarantee to own a football, either. Sporting use should pass muster. In this case, guns are no more lethal than toys unless someone doesn’t take care to follow the rules.

Hunting: An accepted use of guns since they were invented. People use them to take down animals, either because the animals are pests, or because they want to mount the body of the animal on their wall, or they think it is nummy. If you’re against this, well, that’s fine, but hunters will band together (and abandon the rest of us gun owners) pretty quickly and shout you down. So I’ll leave this to them.

Self Defense: Ah, the mother load. This is the thing that makes you racist, or paranoid, or crazy, or have a small penis. To start with I will deal with these four common arguments. I will start with the racist one:

Anyone who thinks wanting to defend yourself or your family from harm makes you racist is nuts and not worth arguing with. Seriously people, the day caring about safety is racist is the day the Boy Scouts start burning crosses. Anyone who plays the race card at every turn is instantly dismissed from the world of adult conversation.

Ah, the small penis claim, the favorite of effeminate liberal men and woman with unfulfilled sex lives. What? If you can make random, offensive shit up, then so can I. I’d prove this one wrong but my wife won’t let me post a picture of my Johnson on the Internet. The only thing I’m compensating for with a firearm is the inability to throw projectiles at thousands of feet per second. These people are also dismissed; learn to argue without immediately going for baseless personal attacks then come back to the big people table. The rubberized legos are in the corner. No corners or sharp edges. Have fun.

Crazy — the only thing you can own that makes you crazy is the Lady Gaga discography.

Now, for the big one: Paranoia. To put it simply: No.

To put it simply, people do Horrible things. People do unspeakable things. There are tons and tons of reasons to think that, perhaps, this world is big and bad and not safe.

To put it simply, and stop linking to Wikipedia: People do bad shit. People do things that are evil. People hurt other people. It happens every day. Hundreds of people are murdered every year in Chicago and DC, despite their gun control laws. There is nothing paranoid about being prepared.

Is it paranoid to buy extra water when a hurricane is heading your way? Is it paranoid to evacuate? No. Is it paranoid to have a spare tire in your car? No. Tires break, hurricanes knock out power and disturb supply lines. These things are more certain than a violent attack. But violent attacks happen. Chances are, a gun owner will go their entire life without needing a gun for defense. It’s just very likely.

However, if it does happen? Well it’d be better to have a gun than not. Is there any denying this? (There is, of course, if you belong to the “give them what they want” demographic who think it’s okay for women to be raped because the rapist just had a hard life.)

Here is the logic behind self defense, in the home or car:

I do not know the intent of a person who has forced or is trying to force their way into my home or my car, which contains me, my possessions, and my family. I do, however, know two things: 1) They have shown a willingness to violently break the law (and anyone coming into a home that is obviously occupied is committing a violent crime), and 2) People do horrible things. Thus, with the knowledge I have, there is then a greater than zero chance that the person is going to harm me or mine. Thus, paranoia is no longer in play. Now, I can attempt to ascertain this and risk being harmed or killed, thus further escalating the situation because now they have undeniably committed a violent felony and exposing my wife and step children to further danger.

Or, I can assume this person has no regard for human life, as evidenced by their career choice, and I can end them.

Potential worst case scenario outcome of the first course of action: Four dead people (with other potential violence, including rape, torture, and maiming) and a criminal on the loose. Statistics show people escalate their crimes as they continue to get away with them.

Potential worst case scenario outcome of the second course of action: One or more dead criminals, me and mine all right and a few bullets shy of a full house.

Logically, I’m going with the latter. If the perp doesn’t want to die, I’d suggest he not break into occupied houses or try and get into cars with people in them.

It is, of course, possible he’s just trying to get a DVD player to pawn for his next fix. However: 1) I can’t know that. 2) What right does he have to anything of mine? 3) Taking time to ascertain him exposes me and mine to further risk.

Further, giving them what they want does not guarantee your safety. I’ve mentioned this before, but I have two blood relatives who gave criminals their money and were then shot for their trouble. One fatally. Giving in is no guarantee, ever. Putting the person in the ground eliminates the threat.

And they wouldn’t be in such a danger if they didn’t try to take by force what was not theirs to begin with.

Finally, guns are the great equalizer. Height, weight, age, and strength matter not. A bullet can be equally damaging whether I shoot it, or my wife, or my grandmother. Guns allow people to protect themselves no matter what kind of monster is out to get them.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to not be hurt. There is something horribly wrong with wanting to deny other people the ability to defend themselves and their family. There is something mentally wrong with people who feel more pity for the criminal than the victim.

Yes, people die due to accidents with guns. But they also die in car accidents, swimming pool accidents, choking accidents. Innocent people are killed by guns. But they are also killed by knives, baseball bats, and rocks. We cannot eliminate accidents or murders. But we can prevent innocent people from being hurt, by allowing them to eliminate those who would do them harm. Criminals act out of ignorance or selfishness and hurt others.

Therefore they are exposing themselves to an innate risk that their next victim will be armed and willing to prevent there from being further victims. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’d like hurting people be a risky career choice.

July 6, 2010

You can do that??

Filed under: Imbeciles and Kooks — Adam @ 10:15 am

Prince: The internet is over. I didn’t know you could do that!

Then I read the actual content:

Talking to The Mirror, Prince said: “The internet is completely over. I don’t see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won’t pay me an advance for it and then they get angry when they can’t get it.”

Here’s why you should give your money to iTunes: People are going to purchase it on iTunes, or Amazon, for digital convenience. Or they’re going to pirate it. Or they’ll buy the physical media, and rip it.

Reading it, to me it looks like Prince is a nasty control freak and he’s not getting to dictate terms to anyone, so he’s taking his ball and going home. That’s fine with me; we’ll leave him behind to party like it’s 1999.

June 27, 2010

If he were any more of a douche…

Filed under: Imbeciles and Kooks — Adam @ 10:14 am

… He’d have a Summer’s Eve tattoo: Biden calls man smartass for wanting lower taxes.

Seriously, it didn’t seem like the guy was being a dick about it. I’d be tempted to tell either Obama or Biden something similar — or ANY president/VP, even Bush/Cheney, Clinton/Gore, etc etc. Regardless of taxes. He should have taken it as a light hearted comment. But no, because they know that taxes are going to go up for everyone.

Of course, Biden says more stupid shit than Bush ever thought about, so…

June 21, 2010

A Boycott, eh?

Filed under: Imbeciles and Kooks — Adam @ 4:12 pm

I like it when the assholes make it easy by making themselves known for me to avoid.

You want to boycott a state? That’s fine; I hope people boycott you.

Copied and pasted in case it goes down the memory hole:

CYPRESS HILL • JUANES • CONOR OBERST • LOS TIGRES DEL NORTE • RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE • CAFE TACVBA • MICHAEL MOORE • KANYE WEST • CALLE 13 • JOE SATRIANI • SERJ TANKIAN • RISE AGAINST • OZOMATLI • SABERTOOTH TIGER • MASSIVE ATTACK • ONE DAY AS A LION • STREET SWEEPER SOCIAL CLUB • SPANK ROCK • SONIC YOUTH • TENACIOUS D • THE COUP

And other than a few Massive Attack songs, nothing of value would be lost if these dickheads all went down the memory hole.

I would say they won’t see any more of my money, but that’d imply they’ve seen some of it in the first place…

June 13, 2010

Another set of people I will never take seriously.

Filed under: Imbeciles and Kooks — Adam @ 9:55 am

The NAACP. Seriously: I will never listen to anything they say, and no one else should, either. This is victimization taken to the extreme.

Other astronomy terms to look out for:

Red shift — obviously a reference to the trail of tears.
White dwarf — prejudiced against Leprechauns.
Red giant — again, offensive to the Native Americans.
Dark matter — NAACP suing NASA scientists in five…

June 4, 2010

Ever notice…

Filed under: Imbeciles and Kooks — Adam @ 4:31 pm

Helen Thomas, crazy anti-semite*, resembles the witch from Snow White when she disguises herself as an old hag?

Just sayin’.

* Let’s just be honest; historically, the Jews were there first…