What happened to shoes?
I finally found a good pair of shoes today. I hadn’t been looking long or much, but after trying to find some Monday I was about ready to just wear work boots all the time. I like simple shoes, and I was looking for what I guess would be termed “sneakers” that weren’t solid white or black. I have black dress shoes and black boots, I don’t need another pair of black shoes because I’m not a goth or hot topic employee. There’s a limit. I don’t want solid white because they’re shoes, which go on my feet, and they tend to get dirty and sometimes it just won’t come off and white becomes grey.
So I was looking for a simple pair of grey or even brown sneaker-like shoes that didn’t cost more than $50. That’s my limit. I refuse to pay more than $50 for something to cover my feet. I only allow that much because I expect them to last a year or three (my current shoes are pushing three) before falling apart. They’re feet. All shoes have to do is keep them dry, keep them warm, keep them cool on asphalt, and keep sharp things out of them. It’s not a complicated equation. “Keep my feet at a decent temperature and keep shit off of them.”
I half expected most of the shoes I looked at to come with an optional spoiler and fart pipe. Some of them had the equivalent of racing stripes. Many of them had yellow! (Because yellow makes things go faster.) Some of them were silvery. Things that are not made of metal should not be colored to look like metal. It’s too weird. Some of them were bright blue with yellow, which is just insane. Some of them had bright orange, or other offensive colors. Is it a shoe or a warning that there is road work ahead?
They go on my feet. My feet are not fancy or flashy. They’re hunks of skin and bone designed to hold body weight and help me maneuver through life. There’s nothing special about them. They’re feet. I expected some of the Nike and Reebok (spelling unsure; I don’t care, but it passes the spell check on Firefox) to have spinning chrome rims as an optional buy. What, I can’t have a sub-woofer put in?
A lot of them looked like they were more than 50% plastic. Let’s consider how bad an idea it is to wrap your feet in plastic for a moment. Also, it’s ugly. For some reason, people pay $60, $70, $80 for some seriously ugly shoes. I wouldn’t pay a tenth of that for most of these shoes. Why would you buy such atrocious looking things?
At least the trend of pump-up shoes and lights seems to be going away. (For those who don’t remember, they used to make shoes you could “pump up” with air by squeezing part of the tongue. I have no idea what the purpose of this was, and I owned a pair when I was about eight or nine.) At least, I think the trend of lights on shoes went away — I didn’t see any L.A. Gear shoes so I can’t be sure.
I finally settled on an ugly, but mostly grey pair of Nike shoes that were on sale for $39.99, plus tax. That’s not a bad deal; my current pair are Nike shoes. Like my old pair, the new pair has no gigantic neon swoosh on them. No hot pink, not warning sign orange, no painful blue. They don’t call attention to my feet in any way… which is the idea.
Because they’re just feet.
