Stop using my damn e-mail address.

Okay.

Listen, guy named Adam Lawson in the UK: I don’t need a flat, and you need to pay your bank loan.

Listen, guy named Adam Lawson in Utah: You’re late for your Mormon class.

Listen, guy named Adam Lawson in the Carolinas or somewhere: Good luck on the house, I guess.

Listen, teenager named Adam Lawson from Australia: You’re freaking weird.

Listen, one of you: Stop forwarding your tax documents to “yourself” and sending them to me!

Listen, all of you.

TYPE YOUR DAMN E-MAIL CORRECTLY.

STOP TYPING MINE. DOUBLE CHECK.

I get more e-mail for OTHER Adam Lawsons than I do for myself. Knock it the fuck off, will you?

Wandering Off

Note: If you’re reading this from Twitter, and you notice someone else on Twitter wondering where I am, kindly point them this way. This is in the unlikely event that anyone gives a shit. Comments aren’t closed but I get so much spam and ignore it they might as well be.

I have noticed that I have failed to meet every goal I’ve set for myself in a long while. I’ve even lost track of how long this is going on. I’ve let people around me down; I’ve let myself down. I haven’t lived up to the standards I had set for myself, and what success I’ve had has been because I’ve bungled my way into it. Were I at the top of my game it would be ten fold or greater because there would be a captain at the helm, not a drunken lech of a pirate.

Some time ago I would set a goal, with a time frame, and then I would meet it on time or early, and feel great about it. Now I take the easy way out, or go for the small task. The problem with that is the eternal nature of many small tasks leaving the few big ones untended. This has hampered a great deal of my life and squandered a lot of time and potential joy.

I’m done.

There are a few blogs I will continue to follow, and perhaps comment more on. I may keep up with a bit of people on Twitter — if I can make myself stay focused. If not I will cease until such a time that my self control has returned. I’ve had my last drink. It would be easy blame my lack of effort and my general mental malaise on my knee surgery; that certainly seems to be the impetus behind most of it. But that’s a weak way out: I’ve been given ample opportunities in life and I have not made the best of them. I’m ashamed of myself and my behavior, the time I’ve wasted for nothing other than fleeting fun, dust in the wind.

What I have become is not who I am, nor who I was meant to be.

We all have demons and we all have choices. After crawling out of a pit many years ago I became complacent; to paraphrase Bane, victory cost me my strength. I had been miserable, depressed, angry, and bitter. Then there was the light, and I climbed up into it. After a while in the light I just sort of assumed everything would roll my way. When the road got bumpy I ignored it: I’ve won already, this is time to cruise. When the road got really bumpy, I became miserable, depressed, angry, and bitter. I covered for it with a great many lies, and foolish pursuits. I became the goofball jester I have been on Twitter; I beclowned myself. This isn’t me; it never was. It was a mask I wore.

I’ve referenced it once or twice but before I got together with my wife I was a world champion White Knight and in the worst possible way, while at the same time trying to be what I’ve variously used as a blog sub-title over the years: “The Jack Bauer of Assholes” “A typical, bitter white person” (the latter a play on a pair of ridiculous and stupid Obama quotes that should have disqualified him from holding any office, if the 57-states one wasn’t enough). Then, around that time, I realized the bullshit of my ways and took the armor off. I didn’t paint it black; I just quit, I assumed I had traded in the sword for a crown. After years of being a complacent king I saw a shiny jester hat as a way out of some things stressing me out. My knee, which crippled my efforts towards getting into shape. That bitterness poisoned everything about me including my behavior and the Comedy/Tragedy masks I made seemed a good idea. I was always good at funny, at being a lovable smart-ass.

Fuck that. Someone else can have this hat. I’ll be funny on my own terms. I’m not a playing card or something that pops out of a box and makes babies laugh.

I’m a damn wolf, a Grey Knight.

A Twitter Switch.

I’m switching my current account on Twitter to be a more goofy/whatever account, because I use it that way. I’ve already swapped user names to the official one.

95f

So very much hypocrisy.

There’s a lot of hypocrisy going around right now.

First, let’s start with the science fiction types. Now, Vox Day isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. He’s not always mine — but he’s not always bad, either. Now, on the other hand, there’s Marion Zimmer Bradley. It turns out she was a raging pervert, a child-rapist, and covered for her husband’s crimes. She’s one of many in the SFF community who turns out to be either a child molester or an apologist for them. Nobody is doing nearly the distancing from her that they did with Vox — because she was something of a pioneer with regards to women and SFF.

So crimes are okay if you’re ground-breaking, or you’re the right political bent, but not okay if you’re Vox Day, because he said something borderline racist? Racist language is worse than real child abuse? Really? Okay — glad we know where those assholes stand.

Next up, let’s talk about the cheerleader who shoots animals. Personally, I don’t hunt, but that’s just me. I would if I had to, but whatever. For the last few years Democrats have been running this bullshit campaign about a “War on women” because people don’t want to pay in order to make other people’s sex lives easier (which is what me paying for your birth control comes down to — I’m paying for you to have sex), and because some candidates said foolish things. Then an actual Democrat running for congress says that he’s offering a $100,000 bounty for nude pictures or videos of this girl (she’s 19 I think) because she was hunting animals.

How’s that not a war on this girl? You want to humiliate and embarrass her, ruin her life, expose her private moments (and her privates) because she engaged in legal hunting? That’s not even on the same level as the hunting — those were animals. This is a real human young woman and she’s being attacked because of something she did on her own time and dime. Hey — it’s her body, if she wants to hunt with it, buzz off.

There’s probably more I’m forgetting, but both of those are just rotten examples of humanity. MZB should be exhumed and launched into the sun and people should stop apologizing for what she did — she was a fucking rapist, just like Roman Polanski. But they get a pass. Oh wait, one more –

So Israeli teens are murdered and then Hamas starts sending rockets into Israel. Israel defends themselves by firing back and ISRAEL is the bad guy?

Of course these are the same nuts who want to take guns away and make it harder to defend yourself against criminals. Which makes me wonder just where their heads are. It’s okay to be a criminal and a murderer but not to defend yourself from one? Really?

I don’t even know where to go with all this. It’s mind boggling how people who are always accusing others of criminal behavior, racism, and being bullies turn out to be defending criminal behavior, antisemitism, and bullying! The left just projects its own issues onto everyone else: War on women? We target kids and defend rapists. Protecting innocents? UNLESS THEY’RE ISRAELIS! Racism? UNLESS THEY’RE JEWISH!

How can you people look at yourselves?

Sans Internet

My DSL modem helpfully died yesterday. New one is due tomorrow.

In the mean time, I’m using my phone when necessary and have started Victor Pride’s 30 Days of Discipline.

Where to even start?

Joe Konrath has been shredding on the stupidity coming out of the Hachette/Amazon fight for a while, but with the latest behavior I feel the need to weigh in, a bit. If you support Amazon authors (most all self-published authors right now), or just the idea behind capitalism, or if you’re a writer, you should sign the petition. I don’t often mention petitions and such; I don’t think they do much good. But every bit of press will help fight the deluge.

You will start to see, from the comments of Konrath and those he is replying to, that those in favor of big publishing — the Big Five, so to speak — are those who benefit the most from it. This is common; people generally are opposed to changing a system they benefit from. James Patterson, who unfortunately does not have a black curly mustache like an old cartoon villain, has been at the forefront of speaking out for the machine that benefits him. His comments have been tone-deaf, too. He complains about benefits that Amazon is no longer extending to Hachette authors — benefits that only the top tier, the benefactors of the setup, will ever see.

Admittedly, I didn’t try too hard to get picked up by the machine. I sent off a submission packet for The Five, waited for a few months, and got the form rejection. This was just before the self-publishing boom. After that, as I was writing the first parts of Cigars and Legs, I decided to go my own way. Nobody tells me what covers to use, or what to change. I write what I want to write and hope it sells and finds an audience. I give up nothing to the machine. My rights are mine.

The machine doesn’t benefit me in any way, but Amazon does (for now).

There are many crappy books put out by the machine; there are awful authors who make millions of dollars. Entertainment is subjective — some people like Twilight. I don’t, not even a little bit, not even at all. Are those people wrong for liking Twilight? No, no more than I’m wrong for enjoying Terry Goodkind. Fifty Shades made a killing and by all reasoning is poorly written and contains flat characters. Taste is very subjective. This is one of the problems with the machine: They introduce artificial gatekeepers to give a stamp of “Goodness” to certain books. It’s not foolproof in any way; I’ve read a lot of stinkers and avoided a lot more that seemed like they would be a time suck.

Now, we don’t need those gatekeepers to push our wares. Only in the realm of writing would it be called “vanity publishing” to self-publish your stuff. If I became a plumber on my own dime nobody would accuse me of being a vanity plumber, there would be no stigma. Kevin Smith financed making Clerks all on his own, it turned out to be a success, and nobody attached this idea to him that he wasn’t a real filmmaker because he did it himself. But when an author does it… well, we aren’t authentic. Because the machine didn’t approve.

Of course giants like Patterson and the rest want to keep the machine running the show. It sprinkled fairy dust on them and now they can fly. They don’t give two damns about anything else — just their own success, their own machine. They sit on high hurling out missives about how bad Amazon is and how great their machine is.

It’s just a damn shame none of them have the mustache to twirl.

The proofs are on their way.

PRISONERS OF SORCERY COMPLETEsm

Working on getting everything into paperback, including the next book in the Sword of Nalin series (which will be published on Kindle as soon as I’ve looked it over well).

Dear GOP Establishment, Again:

I voted against Thad Cochran again today.

If he wins tonight, I will vote against him again in November.

Given the crazy, underhanded, backwoods attempts to get Democrats to vote for Cochran in the run-off… I may have just cast my last vote for anyone with an “R” after their name.

I hope it was worth it — and I hope Cochran dies while fucking his mistress in the basement he “rents” from her. Some family values, eh?