Review: Meridian Kiss of the Beast

Let’s get right to the review for this one, a Full Moon movie released the same year as the previous week’s feature (Shadowzone), Meridian Kiss of the Beast:

Catherine returns to her family castle in Italy after her father’s death & gets caught in a love triangle between a man & a creature of the night. With the help of her nanny & a ghost of a young girl, Catherine discovers a curse that threatens their lives.

This is listed as a horror movie, but I am not sure why as nothing in this movie is scary or creepy other than the way the traveling circus people act. At no point does it ever feel like anyone is in any actual danger aside from an early-on double drug-and-rape scene. Yikes.

The movie starts right out with a person dressed sort of like the Burger King stepping out of the glowing mouth of a gargoyle. That gives the false sense that the movie might be creepy but it lets us down on watching. It turns into a bad, R-rated take on Beauty and the Beast partway through.

The women meet up because Catherine is back in Italy, and they somehow run into some traveling magicians who are downright weirdos. They also invite them back to the castle for dinner which is a hugely bad idea. Two young women with a group of weird tramps? Just, bad idea.

Most of the movie sort of drags on hinting at the soon obvious curse the magicians are under: they’re sort of evil were-wolf magicians and also holy shit do they wear their pants high. The magicians spew out a few stupid lines every once in a while that are unintentionally funny: “Perfect body. Smooth. Classy.” (What?) “Ah, a modern woman.” (What?) And so on.

This movie could have been good, but the pacing and the acting of the magician(s), combined with the world’s weirdest soundtrack, made it difficult to pay attention to. The best thing I can say about it is that it was better than Seedpeople.

It’s a B-movie, but not the good kind. I’d only recommend watching it if you’re a fan or relative of someone who is in it, or you’ve taken on a strange quest to watch and review Full Moon movies.

But seriously, it’s still better than Seedpeople.

Running Time: One hour, twenty-six minutes and change.
Acting: It’s a mixed bag.
Effects: Good for 1990, and also sparse.
Violence: Some, but aside from the previously mentioned rape scene, it’s not severe in any way.
Gun Use: I do not recall seeing a gun in this movie.
Gore: None.
Creepy? Just the weird scene where the women are drugged.
Monster Type? A sort of were-wolf magician.
Funny? Never on purpose.
Nudity: Yes, and it is gratuitous but restricted to breasts.
Pacing: Boring.

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