I state my regret
For fuck’s sake. Last week I talked about how there was a recipe for B Movies that are often enjoyable: small town, attacked by a monster, monster is created by a corrupt power figure, there’s some annoying yokels, there’s some boss figure who is an ass, etc. This movie follows that blueprint to the letter. The problem is that they follow it to the dry, boring, awful letter.
I want to take back what I said about Seedpeople: “Sounds rough. Unfortunately, so is this movie.” Seedpeople was a walk in the park compared to this one. Or maybe time has softened my hate for it. This movie spends almost the entire time focused on the boring caricatures that are moving the plot forward and barely focuses on the monsters. This is an ecological bore of a movie, yet it has almost the same exact seed as Humanoids: chemicals in the water making the things there bad.
Including this movie.
I stopped counting the number of people killed when in a matter of minutes toward the end a single dude with a silencer killed almost as many people as the barracuda had in total. Yikes, that is bad for a monster movie.
I was streaming this on Tubi (everyone should check it out by the way), and the commercials were a welcome relief.
I also wrote, about an hour and ten minutes into the movie, “I am filled with regret.”
The biggest problem with this movie is the title and the premise. It is not a monster movie, it is not a scary movie. It’s not about barracuda. It’s about a parody of Boss Hog and his idiot kid, and some conspiracy to control people and make fish eat everything. In a word, it’s a dumb lie.
I’m not going to give it a grade.
Report card:
Runtime: An hour thirty-five that feels like three.
Acting: Just no. They let you know right away.
Effects: They don’t really try.
Violence: Minor.
Dead Townsfolk: Four from the barracuda.
Gun Use: A little unrealistic; “movie silencer.”
Gore: A little.
Creepy? No.
Monster Type? Titular barracuda, but the movie mostly focuses on people.
Funny? No.
Nudity: No.
Pet Death: No.
Pacing: No.
