C’mon, man… (Amazon Shipping Rant)

I’ve been getting stuff from Amazon for over a decade now, and I’ve only had like three problems in that time: once, something was just wrong; another time, a DVD wasn’t shipped well and had been destroyed despite the box being fine; and then this time.

I ordered three items, and I guess they were coming from different places but somehow they got the same tracking number. All were due on Thursday. Two items came. We’ll call them Exhibit A and B.

Exhibit C was said to arrive “by 8pm” or whatever. At 6:15PM I checked the shipping — “You’re next!” it said. Cool. It had a map, too. I refreshed ten minutes later.

“We couldn’t find anywhere to leave your package!”

What? No, you didn’t even try. All three items were marked “We will try again!” Including Exhibit A and B, which live in my house now.

I wait, figuring that the person meant to drop off all three then couldn’t be bothered delivering the third item. Friday: No update at all. Saturday, same thing. So Saturday night I hunt up an e-mail for Amazon. I inform them that I did not get this one item, and it is still stuck. What’s up?

Sunday morning, an apology e-mail. Do I want a gift certificate or refund so I can re-order?

“I’ll take the gift certificate I guess.”

Sunday later, an e-mail: “I’ve issued a refund for $(the price of ALL THREE items).” And now all three are marked “Returning to Sender.”

Well, that is awkward and not ideal. I don’t want to get money for something I also have received, and also, I don’t want some Amazon worker to get in trouble for “losing” the two items I have.

I write back: “That’s great, but I am only out $15.00 worth of items. I received everything except Exhibit C.”

I get an e-mail Monday morning:

“Thank you for replying. We appreciate your honesty in letting us know that you have received the Exhibit C.” And then it tells me I’m getting a refund for everything, and I can donate the items or keep them as a gift.

That’s the one thing I didn’t get!

Now, eventually, they’re going to get the Exhibit C back, and I’m sure someone will be mightily confused, until they read my e-mail again with their glasses on. I considered writing back, but there’s no hope. I’ll end up getting sent Exhibit A and B again, and I don’t need extra stuff. Or I’ll get an extra Exhibit C… or they’ll refund me more money… and I already feel conflicted enough.