Neutral always looks misspelled to me.
All right, I’m going to run down the people running for President, according to Wikipedia at this moment. The list of names will be the only thing I look at, so everything I know about folks has to be something I know from hearing about them — to make this interesting, I won’t look anything up about candidates. I’m very politically engaged even if I try not to blog about it often, so I’ve heard of most of these people.
I am going to attempt to hold back all of my partisan thoughts and just lay out how I see them playing out with the people. But I’ll take any shot I see at making a joke so be warned.
I’m going to do the Democrats last because of the size of their field. Get the easy parties done first and all.
Donald Trump — the incumbent, with all the advantages of name recognition and being (for better or worse) the person people know. That can be very important — FDR got re-elected some of those times because people were comfortable with him. Unless something crazy happens I would also expect him to win at this point.
Bill Weld — look, without being a rude jerk, this guy is not going to make a dent in 2020. I thought he ran as a Libertarian last time in the Vice President slot. And I thought that was controversial because he’s closer to a Communist than a Libertarian. I may be remembering wrong, but… won’t fly, sorry.
Adam Kokesh — I have no idea who this guy is, but I like his first name a lot. He might get the nod.
Vermin Supreme — I know who this guy is, and there’s a zero percent chance he wins the nomination. Didn’t he wear a boot on his head? He sounds like either a rapper or a Ninja Turtles villain.
Arvin Vohra — no idea who he is. If Kokesh isn’t the nominee, and someone else doesn’t get in, he will be.
John McAfee — the most entertaining man running. I have no idea what his politics actually are, but he may be the single zaniest person to ever mount a serious campaign. I think he’s living on a boat with a bunch of guns — that’s the most America thing ever.
McAfee is the only one with a chance of even hitting 1% and that’s because people will vote for him if they think they can finally uninstall that software of his.
Howie Hawkins — No idea who he is.
Dario Hunter — No idea who he is. Cool name, though.
Neither of these people will crack 1%.
American Solidarity Party
This is a real thing.
Brian T Carroll — never heard of him. I suppose he could win the nomination.
Joe Schriner — never heard of him. I suppose he could win the nomination.
I’ll be surprised if I see this party on my ballot next year.
Ronnie Kroell — no idea who this is, and I likely won’t see his or her name again after this post.
I am doing these in order of who I think of, and then I’ll confirm my list with Wikipedia.
Joe Biden — right now, he appears to be a strong front runner. I have no idea how he’ll do through the course of the election but he is very old and there are a lot of stories about his family being corrupt and weird starting to surface. I think he pledged to pick a woman as his VP, which is a silly thing to do so early because now he is limiting himself. He will need someone from the South or the Rust Belt to really have a chance at picking off a state or two. He might, might be able to reverse some of those Rust Belt losses just based on his “aw shucks” demeanor.
Bernie Sanders — that clip of him defending not paying extra taxes now will haunt him. To sum up, someone asked why he doesn’t pay the tax rate he wants to impose, and his response was a Pee Wee Hermanesque, “Why don’t you pay the rate? You probably make more than I do.” Paraphrased from memory. It’s not a good look, and it kills his ability to seem more reasonable than Trump.
Kamala Harris — for all her wokeness, her prosecutions of people for minor offenses — when she had the ability and power to let them off — will hurt her with a lot of folks. Also, she defended a colleague who forged evidence. That’s not going to look good. The rumors of her basically sleeping her way to the top will hurt her with some people. I don’t think she’s got a shot at winning the nomination.
Corey Booker — I hope he wins just so I can see people make Booker/T-Bone bumper stickers. He’s got nothing about him that stands out. He’s not charismatic like O’Rourke, he’s just sort of perpetually outraged from what I’ve seen. He’s not going to be the nominee, and someone should politely take him aside and remind him of how we as a country feel about politicians from New Jersey.
Mayor Pete — he won’t be the nominee for two reasons. One, nobody can say or spell his name. Two, he’s “Mayor Pete” and we don’t vote for Mayors for president. It didn’t work even for “America’s Mayor” Rudy Giuliani. It won’t work for Mayor Pete.
Elizabeth Warren — her chances of getting the nomination were over the moment she released that DNA test, and even before that they were on life support.
Amy Klobuchar — I barely know who she is. Most people don’t. The stories about her staff will haunt her, fair or not. The salad/comb thing is icky and will stick with anyone who hears it.
Kristen Gillibrand — She comes off as an opportunist who goes whichever way the wind blows. I don’t see her getting the nomination.
Robert O’Rourke — he may be Skateboard Jesus but I don’t see him carrying the party. He’s damaged for a lot of reasons — the most notable being that his claim to fame is losing an election. The “Beto” thing is also cheesy and scorn worthy.
Those are the ones I remembered without looking at the list.
Michael Bennet — I have no idea who this is. I can name probably sixty senators if given a chance and I’d have more odds of having named 99 correctly than guessing he was one without seeing the Wikipedia list.
Julian Castro — I forgot this dude existed. Zero chance he gets the nomination.
John Delaney — No idea who he was. 0% chance he’s invited to the debates.
Tulsi Gabbard — CANNOT believe I forgot her. She’s the most formidable on this list in a way, and the way the Woke Police have decided she’s persona non grata is pretty foolish and self-damaging. Of all the secondary candidates I think she could swing the most swing votes. A Biden/Gabbard ticket might be a real threat.
Mike Gravel — again? I think he’s running as a joke or a ploy. No chance.
John Hickenlooper — look, I don’t want to be that guy, but his name alone will not fly with people.
Jay Inslee — I forgot about this guy! No chance, though.
Wayne Messam — no idea, but he’s apparently a mayor. See Mayor Pete.
Seth Moulton — “who?” No chance. A congressman from Massachusetts has a zero percent chance of getting the nomination and he’d lose 40 states in the general. Romney and Dukakis showed how we feel about politicians from Massachusetts now as a nation.
Tim Ryan — “who?” No chance.
Eric Swalwell — cannot believe I forgot that this dude is running. I’ve heard him talk, and he is prone to saying stupid things. There’s a zero percent chance he gets the nomination, and he’d lose more states than Moulton. He comes across like a dufus when he talks, too.
Marianne Williamson — “who?” No chance. Won’t even make the debates.
Andrew Yang — I forgot about this dude too! Yeah, no chance. He’s interesting but the party is going a different direction.
Man if anyone else announces they’re running… this is already bananas. This post is nearly 1500 words long and I didn’t even get into how much I despise a lot of these people, or their idiot ideas. And I only mentioned T-Bone once. Well, twice now. I’ll stop.