Movie Review: Witchouse 2 (2000)

Yikes.

This movie is bad. The cinematography is bad, the acting is bad, most of the things about this movie is bad. The first thing I wrote about the movie was “I hate her,” about one of the characters. The second thing? “I hate all of these people.” It’s well established here that I don’t like movies where I hate everyone. This movie is one of those.

Someone saw Blair Witch before making this and decided to emulate the found footage thing, but they decided to only do it for part of the movie. Every bit filmed from the hand-held camera is worse looking than it should be. The stuff filmed with the regular cameras is almost as bad.

The acting is fucking terrifyingly bad. Thankskilling has better acting. Nude for Satan has better acting. This acting is so bad, I cannot tell you in words how much I disliked it.

The story is bad. I enjoyed the first movie well enough to do the sequels. With four weeks left of trying to do witch/devil-woman type movies, I’m wondering if I should replace the third movie with something the fuck else. But I think I’ll suffer through it, if only because, well, I’m a completionist.

This movie is worse than Seedpeople, which means it is worse than the movies that I considered contenders to replace Seedpeople as the worst movie. But it is better than Slaughter High. I need to go back and look at how long Seedpeople held that title before something took over from it, because unless something changes next week Slaughter High has been on top for four months straight. Can it be defeated?

There is one saving grace in this movie: The humor, especially when they directly make fun of parts of Blair Witch Project. It’s not great, but it is a bright spot in an otherwise pretty rough affair. The end has a neat twist when an unexpected hero does a totally dick move, too. I can’t say much else without spoiling it.

Overall, this is the worst witch related movie so far but not the worst movie I’ve seen.

Report card:
Runtime: Ninety-eight minutes.
Acting: Worse than the worst porno you can imagine.
Effects: Bad.
Violence: A fair amount.
Dead Townsfolk: Not enough: two four sure, plus four turned into goons that I guess die.
Revenge Kills: No.
Gun Use: No.
Gore: Not really, no. Wikipedia indicates additional releases that may have more gore, though. Not sure why else (other than nudity) they’d have these.
Creepy? No.
Monster Type? The writer and a witch.
Monster Ick Factor: No.
Funny? A bit, a small saving grace.
Nudity: Not in the version on Tubi, unless it was so fast I missed it, but Wikipedia indicates additional releases that may sport some nudity.
Pet Death: No.
Pacing: Weirdly acceptable.

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